Moms, don't be Tom Brady

I have been avoiding this issue for so, so many months.  Let me come clean.  I love Tom Brady.  I love his chizzled chin and his piercing eyes and that stupid knit cap with a giant fuzzy ball on top.  But more than all that, I love the way Tom Brady loves the game of football.  His passion.  His competitiveness.  His MADNESS when his team loses and the JOY when he wins.  So, when the scandal began last year, I will admit, I ignored it.  I defended him.  I wanted to believe it was the

SUMMER TENNIS - THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY

So I am just wrapping up my 11^th season of TAIL tennis in Northwest Ohio.    I’m not 100 percent what TAIL stands for, but probably something like Tennis Association Independent League.   Or, Totally Awesome Incredible Ladies.  One or the other, I’m not sure.  Our TAIL league is really a lot of fun.   Most of the gals on my team play in the summers only, and so we take a regular beating from the clubs around town that play all year.  

Still, it is great exercise, usually followed by wine and snacks so that you can assuredly replace any calories lost during the match.  

Over the years, I have discovered some general irritations that I am constantly trying to figure out how to resolve.  Anyone who can help, please chime in at any time.

First off, what is the proper way to call the ball out.  By proper, I mean, the least offensive.  I have heard everything from, “Out.” To “Long” to “No” to “just out” to the now popular pointing of the finger straight into the air.  This last one somehow gets me the most.  The gals who prefer to use the pointed finger often overdue the pointing.  I played against a gal a few weeks ago and every time she called the ball out I immediately looked into the sky because I thought she had she had seen a UFO!  And what about when you disagree with a call.  I have seen plenty balls land in after the opponent has already called it out.  It isn’t ladylike to flip the bird, but there has to be a way to let the other gal know you are on to her tactics.

Secondly, it is very, very rude to tell your opponent you just started playing tennis right after you have won the match.  I wish I had a camera to have seen the look on my face several time when the gal I had just lost to said, “This is only my second match!”  Sure, I would spend the evening hoping she would wake up with a third eyeball, which isn’t very nice either, but at least I didn’t actually say it!

Beyond line calls, I have developed a few ways to get into the head of the opposing player.  You too can use these tactics to strengthen the mind game, so to speak.  So even if your opponent plays seven days a week, you can usually grab a game here and there by use of the following:

1.  Opponent hits a great serve and you return it for a winner.  You say, “GREAT SERVE!”  Now your opponent is immediately confused.  She knows she hit a great serve but you just handed it back to her with some attitude.  She won’t know whether to keep using her great serve or simply begin tapping the ball into your court.  It might not last long, but take advantage while you can.

2.  Opponent hits a great serve and you swing and barely touch it.  Now, look at your racquet like you are looking for a secret hiding place.  Turn it over a few times, stare right at the strings.  Move some of the strings around.  Sneeze.  Anything to get your opponent irritated enough to send her next serve right into the net. 

3.  When switching sides, ask your opponent if she feels well.  “You look so pale.”  “Do you want me to get you a Gatoraid?”  “I hope you are not getting that virus that is going around.”  This is a dirty tactic I admit, and only to be used in the most desperate of situations, but  desperate times call for desperate measures.

All in all, I love TAIL tennis in the summer.  Nothing says summer like a warm night, matching tennis outfits, close calls, and a glass of pinot when it is all over.

HERE'S WHAT'S IRRITATING ME

 What I am mostly irritated about is the clothes.  Not all of the clothes, but the workout clothes!  Girls nowadays have so many cool, comfortable, and fashionable things to choose from before even thinking about heading out to the gym.  This was just not the case years ago, and it is not fair.

Remember the 80’s?  Back then, the workout style was leg warmers.  LEG WARMERS PEOPLE!!  The idea that someone would work out actually wearing a sweater on each leg makes no sense, and yet, that is exactly what we were stuck with.   But worse than that – leg warmers only look good on tall thin people.  So for the rest of us, putting on a pair of leg warmers was essentially saying to the world, “Look at my legs, I've added an inch all around in a bright color!”   

The nineties brought us the sports bra (which was invented in 1977, but we all know how long something takes to get from invention to your local Target store).  That was helpful, but I was still stuck with t-shirts and whatever crappy pair of shorts I didn’t want to actually wear that day.

But in the past 10 to 15 years, the world of “active wear” has exploded, and this, yes this is why I am irritated.  I’m not irritated because the active wear is so colorful and fun and cute, I’m irritated because I am now approaching 50, and  keep wondering if I should be shopping from the same catalogues as the girls half my age.  

Homework for Sale!!

 

                We are nearing the end of the school year, and if you are like me, you are pretty darn sick and tired of the nightly homework routine.  To make matters worse, the end of the year typically results in a barrage of "projects" and "reports,"  all designed to ensure that the school year has been a complete success.  Well a few years back, I had an idea..............

ATTENTION ALL EXPECTANT MOMS!

Think Twice About Allowing Visitors 

If you are about to have a baby, especially a first baby, I want to caution you about encouraging every one of your friends, family, neighbors, and favorite Target clerk to visit you after you give birth.  I remember before having my first baby I couldn’t wait for people to come and visit me.  Of course I was basing my anticipation on the tv moms who always looked amazing after giving birth.   Naturally I presumed I would look as beautiful as ever after giving birth.  Why not?  My husband continued to tell me I had a beautiful glow the entire time I was pregnant.   I would gladly welcome visitors and enjoy the swooning over my new baby.  WRONG!

 

ITS ALL OVER...

Well, we made it.  Football season is officially over.  Superbowl Sunday proved to be the cherry on the cake of the season.  It wasn't perfect, and the NFL has a few sour spots no doubt, but overall, a super fun season.  We experienced the first college bowl playoff and boy was that awesome, especially for Buckeye fans.  The Superbowl was a perfect nail biter, and Katy Perry's amazing halftime performance rocked.  I personally am in the market for a giant gold mechanical lion to ride around in my back yard!  

And finally, Milford won it's first state high school championship of the season (yes, I read Gil Thorpe in the comics every day and you should too - this is real life people.)

AN INTERESTING GAME OF CHESS

There is an amazing thing happening at my house now that winter is here.  I would call it the coat exchange.  My children (three boys, ages 13, 16, and 19) will all walk in through the mud room, wearing their winter coats, and then place them gently upon one or another of our kitchen chairs.  I, routinely, will take the coats and hang them back in the mud room where they belong.  Next time out, the boys obviously find their coats in the mud room, wear them out, and then upon returning home, place them again on a kitchen chair.  It is