Think Twice
About Allowing Visitors
If
you are about to have a baby, especially a first baby, I want to caution you
about encouraging every one of your friends, family, neighbors, and favorite
Target clerk to visit you after you give birth.
I remember before having my first baby I couldn’t wait for people to
come and visit me. Of course I was
basing my anticipation on the tv moms who always looked amazing after giving
birth. Naturally I presumed I would
look as beautiful as ever after giving birth.
Why not? My husband continued to
tell me I had a beautiful glow the entire time I was pregnant. I would gladly welcome visitors and enjoy
the swooning over my new baby. WRONG!
My
first child was delivered via c-section.
The slightest movement, hiccup, or laugh and I was in pain. I was in no mood for chit chat. Any person who came to see me or the baby,
saying we both looked great was lying through their teeth and I wanted them out
of my itty bitt room. Luckily, I had my first baby at a tight
security hospital, and any regular joe who tried to visit was limited to two
hours in the evening, so I survived without much trouble - until I got home.
Once
you are home with your baby, people
from all aspects of your life will insist on stopping by to “see the
baby.” It is as if these folks, who have
paid little or no attention to you in the past, suddenly have a God Given
right to drop by at any time and “see the baby.” The problem is you are going to be busy
feeding the baby, changing the baby, and if those two things don’t work, you
will be trying to figure out why your baby is crying. You also are dealing with healing stitches,
in one place or another, bleeding, and sore nipples. The last thing you need is a steady parade
of know it alls stopping by, with boatloads of food for you to freeze, telling
you how they handled their crying baby.
And do you really want to have to try to get a baby to “latch on” in
front of your neighbor and her husband, who up until now have had nothing more
than a healthy waving relationship with you??
Let
me also assure you if you are expecting your second or third baby, limiting
visitors is even more important. Keep in
mind you are doing all the same tricky things you had to do with the first
baby, and on top of that, you are likely dealing with a disgruntled toddler or
two who are none too happy to have this little wailing monster taking all of
your time. Now enter the visitors, swooning
over the baby, and bypassing your toddler.
Looking back on it now, I can completely understand why my oldest said,
“I just want to kick him.” when referring to his baby brother. I would have wanted to do the same thing.
Here’s
what I recommend. Limit your visitors to
those folks who are going to be of some help when they come in the door. Allow your friend, who will hold the baby or play with your
toddler while you take a shower; your mother who is going to get dinner going
and do a load of laundry;, or the
neighbor who is coming to take your 4 year old out for a walk to the park. Restrict those visitors who are going to come
in, plop down, and want you to talk with them for an hour. You are going to have your hands full - you
do not need these folks who will further drain your energy.
How
do you do it? A simple note on the door:
“Mom and baby are sleeping. Thanks for
thinking of us.” Or, “GET LOST.” Either gets the job done and you keep your
sanity.
JEN
ANTONINI
Football4moms.com
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