So I am just
wrapping up my 11th season of TAIL tennis in Northwest Ohio. I’m not 100 percent what TAIL stands for,
but probably something like Tennis Association Independent League. Or, Totally Awesome Incredible Ladies. One or the other, I’m not sure. Our TAIL league is really a lot of fun. Most of the gals on my team play in the summers
only, and so we take a regular beating from the clubs around town that play all
year.
Still, it is great exercise,
usually followed by wine and snacks so that you can assuredly replace any calories
lost during the match.
Over the
years, I have discovered some general irritations that I am constantly trying
to figure out how to resolve. Anyone who
can help, please chime in at any time.
First off,
what is the proper way to call the ball out.
By proper, I mean, the least offensive. I have heard everything from, “Out.” To “Long”
to “No” to “just out” to the now popular pointing of the finger straight into
the air. This last one somehow gets me
the most. The gals who prefer to use the
pointed finger often overdue the pointing.
I played against a gal a few weeks ago and every time she called the
ball out I immediately looked into the sky because I thought she had she had
seen a UFO! And what about when you
disagree with a call. I have seen plenty
balls land in after the opponent has already called it out. It isn’t ladylike to flip the bird, but there
has to be a way to let the other gal know you are on to her tactics.
Secondly, it
is very, very rude to tell your opponent you just started playing tennis right
after you have won the match. I wish I
had a camera to have seen the look on my face several time when the gal I had
just lost to said, “This is only my second match!” Sure, I would spend the evening hoping she
would wake up with a third eyeball, which isn’t very nice either, but at least
I didn’t actually say it!
Beyond line
calls, I have developed a few ways to get into the head of the opposing
player. You too can use these tactics to
strengthen the mind game, so to speak.
So even if your opponent plays seven days a week, you can usually grab a
game here and there by use of the following:
1. Opponent hits a great serve and you return it
for a winner. You say, “GREAT SERVE!” Now your opponent is immediately
confused. She knows she hit a great
serve but you just handed it back to her with some attitude. She won’t know whether to keep using her
great serve or simply begin tapping the ball into your court. It might not last long, but take advantage
while you can.
2. Opponent hits a great serve and you swing and
barely touch it. Now, look at your
racquet like you are looking for a secret hiding place. Turn it over a few times, stare right at the
strings. Move some of the strings
around. Sneeze. Anything to get your opponent irritated
enough to send her next serve right into the net.
3. When switching sides, ask your opponent if
she feels well. “You look so pale.” “Do you want me to get you a Gatoraid?” “I hope you are not getting that virus that
is going around.” This is a dirty tactic
I admit, and only to be used in the most desperate of situations, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
All in all,
I love TAIL tennis in the summer.
Nothing says summer like a warm night, matching tennis outfits, close
calls, and a glass of pinot when it is all over.
