Playing Time – Every Parent’s Nemesis…

Let’s face it.  We all want it, and when we get it, we want more of it.  I’m not talking about a twisty cone with sprinkles here, I’m talking about playing time for our athletes.  Nothing will make a parent nuttier at a simple third grade soccer game than when his child does not get enough playing time.   It doesn’t matter if your child is playing third grade soccer or D1 football under a full scholarship.  If you aren’t getting what you want, your life is misery.


Let’s start with the fun side of playing time – when you are getting just what you want - playing time and lots of it.  When your child is in the game A LOT, you sit in the stands or on the sideline like a queen.  Your back is straight, chin up, focused on the game.  You might as well have a tiara on your head because you deserve it.  Your child is a key player, a tremendous athlete on his way to high school state championships and college scholarships.  Yes, even you can see this during a pee wee hockey game and so can everyone else.  What’s more interesting, you don’t even realize, when your kids is getting PT, some kids are not.  It is almost as if you have a bubble of happiness around you and the complaints of the unhappy parents bounce off.    At the end of the game you smile, unwittingly at everyone – “Great game wasn’t it?  Who wants to go to BDUBS?”    You can’t possibly feel the daggers and what would it matter – your kid is a highly talented athlete so everyone else can just step off.  These are the good days.

Now when your child is NOT getting enough playing time, the scenario is quite the opposite.  You stand off to the side, or sit with your family and grumble.  No one ever understands why their child isn’t getting playing time because they all work just as hard as the kids who are getting the playing time.  But worse, there is the painful feeling that other parents look at you and wonder if you are even capable of producing a better athlete – and if not – what are you grumbling about??   Frankly, we often feel entitled, yes, entitled to playing time not because our child is just as good as the other players,  but because you drove him back and forth to practice with all of his pimply faced friends,  waited in the parking lot for an extra half hour, and bought them all slushies.  Then, you find yourself  sitting at the game, mid April, with winter hat and gloves on, a blanket, and tiny knives of sleet hitting your face,.  So, yes, you want PT because you have earned it!

Let’s throw in the added feature of the success of the team during the course of the season.  If your team is having a great season and your kid is getting lots of playing time, you believe your coach is brilliant, having put together the perfect combination of players and most certainly everyone is enjoying the success of even being part of the team, even the kids who don’t play much and their parents.  I have had this thought, but I was WRONG. 

If your kid is on the sidelines of a successful season but not getting a lot of playing time, you can’t believe this idiot coach can’t find a few minutes to play the other kids.  How hard can it be.  Sure, keep the key players in for the most part, but would it really be a federal crime to play the other kids who are apparently the real reason for the success because they push the regular players at practice to be the best they can be. 

Far worse, however, is when your kid is not getting playing time on a team having a rough season.  This is just an absolute disaster of a coach who clearly doesn’t have a clue what he or she is doing, and if he would just try some of the other kids, try, things may just turn around in a hurry and all of the angst would be wiped away because mark my words, my kid will make a difference out there.  I know this feeling too.

If you are like me, you have been on both sides of the playing time debacle – sometimes during the same season with the same child, and maybe even during the course of a single game.  There is no easy fix to make everyone happy.  Fortunately, I do believe for the most part we parents agonize a thousand times more than our athletes.   So whether our little athlete gets a lot of playing time or just a little, and whether the team wins or loses, there is one thing that makes everyone feel better - BDUBS!

j.3/22/14

rev 6/3/14